Is home something we “find” whole and complete or something we “make” through our actions? When I began to critically reflect on the idea of home, and of feeling at home, I found philosopher Judith Butler’s idea of performativity relevant to this question. In the groundbreaking 1990 book Gender Trouble, Butler argued for an idea that gender is performative. In short, this means that gender identity is created through iterative processes of action and expression. Gender is something we “make” through repetition.
Sometime we may feel like we find home as we move through a door for the first time to discover a sense of belonging that deeply resonates. Such experiences may be possible, even desirable, however in my experience they are rare. Rather, new spaces and places often have a sense of unfamiliar awkwardness. It’s like the first day or two of summer camp before friends are made and the routines learned. Places become familiar through the repetition of engagement. Here is the light switch when I enter the room. Here is the place I now sit at my desk, ten paces from the door. Here is view out the window when I look up from my laptop.
As I begin a new job this week, I am keenly aware of how unfamiliar so much feels. I am still learning the best way to angle my truck into my parking spot. I have to focus to get the right key to work in the front door. As I encounter this flow of newness, I think of Butler and have faith that in the repetition of activity a new identity and sense of “home” will emerge. In time, the hundreds, then thousands of times I park, enter the building, and climb the stairs to my office will create a sense of familiarity–it will “make home.”
With their layers of unfamiliarity and uncertainty, new beginnings can be hard. I find some comfort by mindfully considering how I am making this new place “home” every time I climb the stairs to my new office, gaze out the view from my desk, or drive away at the end of the day with the intention to return. And, I marvel to consider that someday all this newness will simply become familiar and, perhaps, a place I feel as home.
How long do you think it takes to feel ‘at home’? Are there actions or rituals you engage in to make a place feel like home?
One response to “Making Home”
I have entered some spaces where I felt instantly at home — a sense of belonging in that space even though I had never entered before, and knowing that, somehow, I was greeted by the space as though that place was just waiting for my arrival. I have also lived in and worked in spaces that never felt at home, despite my best intention to meld into the space as a home. So I don’t think the answer is about the right intention. I think the definition of home is a place where warmth flows out to envelope me — whether that warmth comes from other people in that space or from the history and contents of that home.